Know when to hold em, know when to fold em

Warning: this post contains profane words.

I love my Kruerig. I use it to make cider, tea, and also to quickly make cups of hot water. As I made my water for the night to drink my 13 year old said why are you just drinking hot water? That makes no sense. That's the problem with 13, they don't think, they don't ask questions they just talk and have an attitude. My 16 year old knows to shut up or ask a question, but the little one has not caught on yet. So I had to teach his little wisecracker ass. First I clarified, "what did you just say?" 

Pause: moms it's always good to let the little wisecrackers repeat their offense so you can pop them real good.

"Water is water mom, it doesn't matter the temperature." Then he chuckles like I am the dumbass. The other men in my family fell silent because they knew the wrath was coming.

"Hot water is good for digestion. Had you asked a question or read a book you would have gained some knowledge instead of embarrassing yourself. Now get away from me."

You don't have to yell, the truth and perfect timing, is enough sometimes.

Ask a stupid question...

As much as possible I try to equip my sons to be self sufficient. I try to teach them something everyday. In preparing to attend a sporting event I gave my eldest son the money for the family to get into the event so he could get the tickets.

I gave him the exact amount so no issue there.  All he has to do is locate the entrance and take care of everything else.

Immediately upon giving him the money I knew there was a problem. He looked at the money and said "dang why is the money so dusty?"

:Pause: that is the problem with teenagers always popping off at the mouth and creating problems for themselves.

So I quickly said "I guess I had on baby powder that night when I was stripping, making that good money."

Don't fool with a crazy mama

"Come on Cletus"

So... why Balls? #1 My boys play sports, always! Everyday its some sport being played and we are going to one game or another. There is no off season in our household. And when there may be a little down time a ball is being thrown to the dog. Really?!? #2 Everyone in the house has a pair except me so I make it a point of bringing it up when its convenient. " I dont know which pair of balls peed on the back of the toilet but they need to clean it up." Well the dog is neutered but he was born with a pair so that still qualifies. #3 Even though I don't have any I think I am holing my own in a house full of men. My home is fairly clean, not very cluttered and doesnt look like a frat house. Balls to me means the gumption or the gall to say or do a certain thing. Timing is everything, and when I have to I have the biggest balls in the house. #4 If I ever get picked up for a reality show, I would like it to be named Balls: The life of a mom in a house of guys. I hope that clears it up. Oh yea I do threaten to kick a ball or two if my wishes are not complied with in a timely fashion. And I dont mean a sports ball. "You gone walk over but you gone limp back"

"Been done sat in that jail been done rot to death"

Why is it that I have to Break Bad to get attention in the house and get chores done? I have to threaten to kick someone between the left and right testicle before my house gets cleaned. But all my husband has to do is tell them once and they get it. I think it's time I recede and pass the torch to him. The boys are bigger than me, eat more, stronger than me. Not that I can't beat they ass, so not the issue, I think now is the time they can learn more by being around and listening to their dad and coming to me every once in a while and that's ok.

Maybe now I can read a whole magazine and take a bath without someone tapping on the door asking me a question. The day has come!!!

There is hope for all moms of boys. I know it's difficult with all the drop offs and pick ups , endless sports games , banquets, recitals, and cooking and cleaning without signs of appreciation. But trust me, it's coming hold on.

"You ain't fit enough to be Shug Avery maid"

"We would love to see that wouldn't we Lee?"

Showers

Teenage boys

Either they are in the shower for 1.2 minutes or 1.2 hours.

Honestly I don't want to know what's going on in either case just get it figured out and wash your ass!

"I'll say you slipped and fell in the kitchen"

"With no survivors!"

One truly does not know, understand shoes  and socks until you have boys. I thought a shoe was a shoe, but no!!!!! You can't wear your running shoes for nothing but running. Evidentially those are lightweight. Ok! Then the track shoes have spikes on half the shoe what? It seems like I am paying for all the spikes. And what's the difference in plastic spikes and metal spikes. And what if your son like mine also plays basketball, well that's yet another shoe that protects the ankle. And both my boys play football and with that is football cleats, more spikes!!!! What the devil!?!? So when it's time for the weekend and time to relax and go out my son says but ma I need shoes. :blankstare:

And don't get me started on socks remember when a sock was a sock? Now you have no show, low show, ankle, crew, tube, soccer, football, basketball, elite. Elite!?!? What qualifies as elite? The sport? The person? The parents ability to afford the socks? If you are on a sports team and your team loses shouldn't you have to forfeit your "elite" status? The sheer gall of kids everywhere thinking they have a right to wear $17 socks. That's $17 a pair. Do you know how many pairs of socks I could get when I was 16? About 17 pair!!! Ok let's consider inflation do you know how many pairs of socks I can get for $17? About 15!!! Elite!?! Elite my behind.

But to their defense they wear these socks until  they can walk on their own. There comes a day when one of the boys  peels off one of their numerous pairs of shows and a smell of old hot dog water mixed with rancid raccoon pee fills the room and its their socks. Really!?!? So they love the socks so much that they don't want to wash them for fear of losing one in the washer because they KNOW I am not replacing it.

So if you have sons with sweet baby feet please enjoy them while they are little and scent free.

"Speak of the devil, and he shall appear."

"Don't make me get out of this truck!"

First off, I love my family. I am the only female in my house. Two teen boys, a male dog, and my spouse. It makes for very interesting times. It would make for a good reality show. I know I am not the only mom of boys, but we are so busy, so stressed, so frazzled that it is hard for us to find each other and bond.

So in this episode of Balls....

TEXT: Ma can you pick me up from school
Of course, would I leave my son at school? At the same time I get a call from work, IT emergency. Thus my daily dilemma being a working mom. You truly have to be in the exact same position I am in to understand how difficult and stressful it is to wear so many hats. So this afternoon I am literally in the car with the oldest on a conference call working and wearing two hats. Then he says, "hey Ma, I am going to work out tonight". Ok here is the problem with that. Friday night is family night, always has been, always will be. Oldest will be graduating shortly so we can take one night and spend time together. So my response is, "nope its family night". And to a teen separating him from his friends is the end of the world. Really?!? You text 23.5 hours out of the day anyways, you are always in contact. I said "you know what that isn't right, here are your options, you can stay at home with the family and have family night OR I can punch you in the throat and you can stay at home and have family night.  "Let me know what you decide." End of discussion.

Moral of the story: Don't break tradition, work with it.